First Stage: Denial

What is this? This little post card I got in the mail seems to imply that somewhere along the way I signed up to run a 13.1 mile race this Sunday. That can't possibly be right. I gotta check this out.

What? It looks legit and all.

But...but...that's crazy! I would never have signed on for something like that! What kind of a sane person would throw down forty perfectly good dollars to get up at dark-thirty and race for THIRTEEN miles? THIRTEEN MILES? Horses don't even race thirteen miles. I mean, I don't know much about horse races, but I've seen pictures of that Remington Park on TV and I can tell by looking that that track is no thirteen miles long.

IT SAYS I SIGNED UP AND PAID? AHEAD OF TIME? On PURPOSE?

Oh, yeah, right, on that day I smoked CRACK, maybe!

Don't worry. Don't you panic. I'll get to the bottom of this. I'll get it straightened out.

Thirteen miles.

Sheesh.